Jeannette Walls never got to live in the glass castle her father conjured up as the ideal family abode, but that did not cause her to cast stones. Her memoir is an unflinchingly honest yet warm appraisal of her growing-up years. I think we all came away from the book marveling at how she and her older siblings not only survived but thrived in their environment. A key question on all our minds was how did she not grow bitter?
Our discussion was wide-ranging. A main topic of conversation concerned parenthood. If the Walls children could grow up to be responsible adults having had virtually no supervision, then do modern parents over-protect? The reverse-side-of-the-coin question is, Is it right for parents to cause their children to suffer in the pursuit of their (the parents') dreams? There are no easy answers, but we have a case-history in the lives of Rex and Rose Mary Walls (as told from the point of view of one of the children). They are fortunate to be able to say their children fared no worse for neglect, or indeed their 'contributing to the delinquency of minors' in their household. How many 'helicopter parents' have seen their children become irresponsible adults? Considering Maureen's difficulties, three out of four isn't bad.
It could be said that the sink-or-swim method of parenting yields positive results. How much of that is due to the individual determination of Lori, Brian, and Jeannette Walls is impossible to say. Was it a kind of reverse-psychology that led them to work diligently, budget and save frugally, and crave cleanliness? Rex and Rose Mary filled their home with books and were avid readers themselves. Was that what gave the children a vision of a better life?
The biggest mystery of the book, to me, was how the three oldest were able to safely and sanely sort through the mixture of myth and fact their parents had given them. Psychologist couches are filled with people paralyzed by the lies they'd internalized growing up. Rose Mary, especially, had an answer for everything. Stinking, starving, shivering? It's a grand adventure! Other children have Christmas presents and three square meals a day? Who wants to live such a conventional life?!?
I could forgive them almost anything, but not Rose Mary's reluctance to get glasses for Lori. How can a parent justify leaving her child in near-blindness with the claim that every artist has a different vision? Vive la difference? Not hardly. I'd have a lot more patience with their dream-chasing if they had actually for one minute tried to provide for their children. There's a big difference between not being able to provide for ones' children and not even trying -- and covering it up with high-minded philosophy. It left me thinking that the only people who can afford to be Progressives are ones with money.
Apparently, Rose Mary was reacting against her own starchy upbringing, and Rex was escaping his traumatic one. If ever there's an example of why blaming your parents is a crock, this book is it. The lesson is, you make your own future (by God's grace).
Yes, there were positives, obviously. There was attention paid to the children, even if it was a little oddly expressed. They were loved. Their minds were nurtured, if not their bodies. There was a tremendous feeling of togetherness and inter-dependency among them. They made their own fun and fought their battles together. The children inherited a genius for creativity and resourcefulness (Jeannette's homemade braces, leaving Welch and making it in the big city). At numerous points throughout the story, disaster loomed but never materialized, thanks to the quick thinking and bravery of one or the other. It's a profoundly positive tale, one I wished had been longer.
Notable quotes:
- Page 69 - "We were always supposed to pretend our life was one long and incredibly fun adventure."
- Page 103 - "Mom and Dad liked to make a big point about never surrendering to fear or to prejudice or to the narrow-minded conformist sticks-in-the-mud who tried to tell everyone what was proper."
- Page 129 - On one occasion of Jeannette's embarrassment: "'Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy,' Mom told me. 'You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more.'"
There is truth in this view of life, but at whose expense? If I could point to one instance where it was the parents who suffered for their philosophy instead of the children, I'd have a lot more sympathy.
One club member pointed out that Rose Mary could very well have been depressed or bipolar. That fits with much of what occurs. We can be thankful, then, that Someone watched out for her little ones.
